Meet The Coronials

Dana

Choice Words by Dana

Anyone? Anyone else out there going 'Umm, I was not exactly prepared to start home-schooling my kids right now, at this moment in time." That is one vocation you don't just assume at a moment's notice. Homework help is a last-minute sacrifice. One that usually ends in tears - mine. So I don't take this lightly.

"Coronials" they're calling this generation. Excuse me? It seems to be impacting all of us . Not just this latest group of sub-adults, for whom we've coincidentally run out of edgy letters and swish monikers. Specifically, it's a daunting time for those of us completely ill-equipped to teach math to 14-year-olds who've not made eye contact with another human in three years.

Are you kidding me? A virus that has wiped out school? Where was this shit when I was a kid eating playdough in order to vomit something green. When I voluntarily stuck a thermometer in my ass to heat it up to fever pitch. When I actually had pink eye and my mom still made me go to work - as a waitress!?!

COVID-19 where have you been all my life?

Well, you've shown up now and the timing could not be worse. For parents.

Actually, with most of ours over the age of needing us to open the Ramen seasoning pouch, we're holding steady.

I did hear from my sister that they've put their nanny on indefinite leave. Which means she and her husband have to now buy and cook their own food and do their own laundry. I know. I too, have a lump in my throat.

Despite their ages or maybe because of their ages, I am dreading what is going to be about a FIVE-month summer. Even the college kids are home - this is a total harbinger of doom. The college kids should not associate their childhood homes with the concept of refuge. Ever.

Five months, makes me rethink, not my decision to have children - I'd never regret that. But maybe my decision not to eat them when they were young? In any case, this is looking like a very long summer, much of which might be in isolation. I foresee...

The Worst Cooks in America. Not the show, just my 11-year-old daughter and her older brother who enjoy pickle juice popcicles.

No other food. Except ice, ketchup and pickle juice popcicles. And the daily ration of chicken, beef and rubber gloves.

Arbiting hunger, boredom, and bandwidth.

Not driving any kids anywhere. Oh the IRONY! Definitely no sending anyone to tattoo or skin grafting camp. No driver's licenses being got, no apartments being sought where old-enough kids might seek permanent residence. As if an excuse were needed. More than any summer ever, the lazy couch monkeys basically have a free pass on any social responsibility whatsoever. Except hand-washing and here, I think I'll be invoking the good old-fashioned whole-body hose-down. A mom's gotta have some summer fun.

The good news, we can beat COVID-19, and I know how! If you want to wipe out this virus, put it in charge of our kids for the next five months. It will be thoroughly exhausted, pack up and leave before your 12-year-old folds the stack of laundry sitting on the floor in front of his room.

Dana is TRUST Beauty’s Chief Engagement Officer and a regular contributor to our blog, twitter, and other social media platforms.